Who am I?
by SC4RLETFEAR
Summary: When a certain Heartfilia girl wakes up in the hospital with no memories of the past, she wonders what happened that led her to an injured state. With the help of her supposed childhood friend Natsu, she tries to regain her memories and uncovers who she really is. NaLu AU
1. One

**ONE - LOST CHILD**

 _when I look into your eyes, tears are about to fall_

* * *

My eyes flutter open at the distant sound of sobbing. My vision is blurry and when it becomes clearer, I find myself staring at an unfamiliar white ceiling. My eyes trail to the source of the sobbing I have been hearing for a while and I find a small girl crying by my side. Who is she?

Who am I?

I try to sit up, yet the stinging pain on my neck stops me. My face feels swollen and my feet hurt. I realise I am in no position to sit up normally, so I remain lying on the bed. I see a bunch of people looking at me with wide eyes and they are frantically calling for a...doctor? Am I in a hospital? What's going on?

"Ashley!" The sobbing girl cries out and hugs me. Why is she crying? Who's Ashley? Am I Ashley?

The girl has blue hair with an orange headband. Her face is full of tears and she sniffs as I look at her weakly. Just moving my eyes already tires me out. What exactly happened?

The doctor comes and checks on me and I comply without a word. "She's fine now," I hear him say, causing the people around me to sigh in relief. I feel their stares on me and somehow I feel awkward. Who are these bunch of teenagers?

"I...get..up.." I manage to say. The blue haired girl hears me and clicks on some button so my bed moves up into a sitting position. My head suddenly feels gidding at the sudden movement. I blink, observing the people around me.

"Where am I?" I ask and a boy steps forward to me. He has pink hair..pink hair for a guy? His eyes are filled with worry and his brows are creased. "You're in the hospital. Thank God." He sighs and reaches to hold my hand. At that contact I jerk my hand away from his, feeling a little startled.

He looks at me with a gaping mouth and wide eyes. "S-Sorry.." I say softly. "But who are you?"

I hear the others gasp and another person leans forward. She has scarlet hair and scary eyes. "You don't remember?" She asks and I nod immediately.

"It must be memory loss," the doctor says from behind them. "It's common for such cases like hers."

I lost my memories? I see, that's why I don't even know myself.

"Then...who am I?" I ask, a little scared at the fact that I don't know anything. The blue haired girl beside me perks up and smiles at me. "You're Ashley! Ashley Heartfilia!" She chirps. "I'm your best friend Levy McGarden!"

All I can do now is to nod and smile at her. I look at the pink haired guy beside her who still seems worried about me. We make eye contact and he tries to smile. "Natsu Dragneel. Your childhood friend."

There are three other people present too. The scarlet haired is Erza Scarlet, my class president. There is another guy there too, also known as Gray Fullbuster. Apparently he's my good friend too. Lastly there's a younger girl Wendy Marvell and it seems that she's Natsu's sister.

I can only nod and smile at them in acknowledgement, though I'm really confused. I don't remember what happened that led me to land in the hospital, or even anything from my past at all. All I have now is these bunch of 'friends' I just met.

Taking a deep breath, I ask, "What happened...?"

Erza gives a worrying sigh. "It seems like you were found on the shores of Magnolia Beach. You almost drowned to death."

I did? I don't remember going to the beach. Or more like I don't remember anything.

"I-I see..." I look down at my hands which are bandaged. Was I hurt that badly? I probably look terrible to them.

"I guess we'll leave now. Natsu, take care of her." Erza commands and smiles at me heartwarmingly. "Take care, Ashley." Wow, she's actually nice.

The four of them leaves my ward and I look to Natsu, the pink haired guy. He still has a worried face and he sits by my side. "Are you okay?" He asks in a soft tone. I nod at him. He must be nice, I thought. I guess he must be very close to me.

He sighs and frowns at me. Before I can process his sudden change in mood, he flicks my forehead. "Owww!" I yell and clutch my forehead which hurts even more than it should. "I'm injured!" I whine.

"I can't believe you!" He yells back, startling me. "You were missing for three days! Where have you been?" I stare at him in wonder at his sudden outburst and I hear him mumbling something about how I won't remember anything anyway.

A sense of joy wells up in my heart, prompting me to smile at him. "Sorry," I apologise earnestly, though I really don't know anything. "Thanks for worrying."

He peeks a look at me and when our eyes lock, he looks away immediately. "It's good that you're alright now, I guess." He mumbles, rubbing his neck.

"You're weird," I blurt out and quickly cover my lips. He looks up at me, raising a brow. "You're the weird one!" He bursts out. "The Ashley I know never smiles!"

"Huh?" Was I that unfriendly? Seeing my surprised expression, he smirks. "You were really rough and unfriendly. You don't even act like a girl!" He smiles at the thought of the past me.

It was just for a few minutes and somehow I feel comfortable around him. Maybe we were very close after all. I feel as though I can open up to him about everything. "Then you better enjoy the feminine me right now," I laugh and ruffle his pink hair without a thought. Natsu looks at me, wide-eyed.

I let go quickly and before I can mumble a quick apology, he snickers and ruffles my blond hair. For the first time I let out a hearty laugh.

* * *

I rest my arm on the edge of the car window, enjoying the wind blowing on my face. I inhale deeply and the fresh air greets my nose. I finally got discharged after a week. Natsu comes to help me and the others are busy so they can't make it. He brings me a change of clothes and some food which he claims it's my favorite. I didn't know I liked spicy noodles, since it wasn't that tasty in my mouth.

"Where are we going?" I ask him without turning around.

"Back home. To Fairy Tail Academy!" I can hear his grin and I smile too. His cheerful vibe is infectious.

I sit back properly and stare up at him. "I live in my school?" I ask in wonder. I have never heard of such a thing. However he laughs and glances at me then back at the road. "We live in dorms, dimwit."

I puff up my cheeks at his little insult. "You're dumber than me," I retort, folding my arms.

I feel the heat rising around him and I brace myself for his outburst. "Oh yeah! I'm way smarter than you think!"

I eye at him. "What's 8 times 5 then?" I ask him. Something just tells me that he's too dumb to answer this question. C'mon, it's elementary school math!

"29!" He shouts with brimming confidence and I face palm myself.

"It's 40, you dimwit." I grin at him, expecting him to argue back. Instead he glances at me and smiles warmly at me.

We finally reach the academy and he leads me to the dorm building. It is a small and white building and the smell of bacon emits from it. Ah, I shouldn't have ate breakfast in the hospital.

We enter and Natsu guides me up to my room. My heart pounds in anticipation as I imagine what kind of room I had. It's probably a normal girl's room, with pink furniture anywhere. I might be a feminine girl on the inside while acting tough on the outside! I clench my fist as he opens the door and I step in excitedly.

The room, or rather, my room, is the least I expected. The walls are black and..literally everything is black! Who was I? I observe my room and I find posters of rock bands everywhere. My closet door is open, so I can see my clothes in it. And I only owned T-shirts, jeans and even leather clothing with spiky things too! Was I a rebel or something?

Natsu tells me to take a bath and meet the rest at the dining room later. He leaves and I plop down on my bed - it feels comfortable. I rest for a few minutes before reluctantly opening my eyes and proceed to take a towel and bathe. I walk out of my room and search for the sign for the toilet, only to find nothing.

There isn't anyone in sight, so I decided to go to a room next door and ask for directions. I go to the room next door and find that it says "LEVY". Levy? My best friend?

I knock on the door softly, hoping that I won't disturb her. Though she's my best friend, I still feel awkward around her. I knock again, this time louder. The door finally opens and Levy greets me. "Ashley?" She asks as she pushes up her glasses.

"Uh, hey," I begin nervously. I should be more carefree, since she's my best friend. "Where's the toilet huh?" I smile widely at her and she returns me the smile. "Right, you have memory loss. Walk straight and turn right."

"Thanks," I feel unusually happy while talking to her. "What are you doing?"

"Reading," She replies and takes a step back. "You're not going to scold me, are you?" She raises a brow at me. A fuzzy feeling encircles my mind, though I don't know why.

"W-Why would I?" I raise my voice a little and it takes her aback. "I love to read!"

Realising what I've just said, both Levy and I stare at one another. "Y-You remember?" She asks in surprise. My eyes widen at her and I shake my head. "No! I just blurted it out abruptly!" I wave my hands at her. "I still don't remember anything."

Levy frowns at me. "Ashley, you're acting weird." She says in a low voice. "You hated books or anything to do with studying."

My heart starts pounding and I take a step back. "O-Oh really..." I trail off, looking at the floor. "I guess I'll be going." I say quickly and rush off, leaving Levy in astonishment.

I run straight and turn right and the washroom sign greets me. I stand in front of the door, clutching onto my towel. Somehow there's a foggy feeling in my mind, as though it's covering something. My head hurts and I crouch on the floor. What is this...feeling? The pain becomes unbearable every second and I clutch my head, leaning against the wall. Didn't I recover from my injuries.

I close my eyes tightly and a fog appears, making me feel hazy. Something flashes in my mind and I open them abruptly. The 'something' appears in my mind again and I struggle hard to remember it.

Books are burning. A man throws another pile of books into the fire while a girl screams. The girl...is that me? Why am I crying? Why is he burning books? Who is he? What's happening?

I freeze and stare into space. My pulse is beating rapidly and I'm already sweating profusely. My palms are cold and clammy and I'm too weak to stand up. Are those my memories?

I struggle to remember again but it doesn't come back to me. I remember the man was saying something and I try hard to picture it again. What was he saying? Something like...Lucy?

"Ashley?"

I turn around and find Natsu standing behind me, his face full of worry. Before I can reach out to him, black spots appear in front of me.

"N-Nats.." I try to say and the next thing I know, I black out.


	2. Chapter 2

**2 - TOO DIFFERENT**

 _my hopes that no one listens to are just passing by_

* * *

The dream...is too foggy. It feels as though my vision is blurry...and no matter how much I rub my eyes, I still can't see properly. I catch a glimpse of a small girl crying. Tears flow down her face like a river and she is clutching onto the man's suit. I can't see her face clearly. The man...I can't see his face too. All I can see is him throwing the books in the furnace, ignoring the girl's cries.

I don't know why...but I feel like crying too.

"...ley...Ash...ASHLEY!" Something, or someone, jerks me awake by shaking my shoulders. I snap open my eyes and the blood rushes quickly to my head, causing a sharp pain. I groan and before I realize where I am, someone pulls my body close to his.

It feels warm, warmer than the summer heat. I relax a little, letting the pain soothe down. I feel so calm and my mind is empty...uh, wait, am I in an embrace? Who? I notice Levy and Erza in the room who are looking at me anxiously. My eyes shift to see who's hugging me and I scream in horror.

"What are you..!" I push him away and Natsu lands on the floor with an 'Ow'. I can't let someone whom I know for a week to just suddenly hug me like that! I feel my cheeks getting a little hot as I mumble an apology. Maybe I overreacted a little? "S-Sorry...I was shocked..."

"Natsu, you should've let her rest." Erza says disapprovingly. "You were literally screaming for her to wake up every second."

Natsu scratches his head and frowns. "I'm just worried..."

I shut my mouth, feeling shy at what he said. When I think back, it seems that I've fainted ever since that...memory flashed in my mind. I wonder what was that? But I shouldn't trouble my friends anymore. This is really getting annoying.

"Ashley, are you feeling better?" Levy sits on my bed and holds my hand.

I nod at her and give a small smile so not to worry her. "That's great!" She gives a huge smile in excitement. "We have prepared a welcome-back party for you!" A party? Just for me? I lean towards her in delight. "I'm so ready!" I exclaim excitedly all of a sudden. I don't know why, but I feel excited! All of my energy has come back! I'm fired up! (I feel like I'm acting dumb like a certain someone...)

"Typical. You liked to party so much till you got really dead drunk." Natsu remains on the floor and leans on my closet. "You still got that party animal in ya."

Erza smacks Natsu's head and folds her arms, leaving him to cower in fear. "Stupid! It's not that kind of party! Which retard would give alcohol to a patient?" Her voice is low and intimidating - even I feel shivers from it.

Levy ignores the commotion and stares at me with her bright eyes. "Once you're ready, come on down!" She stands up. "Rest well!" She waves and Erza follows Levy out, dragging Natsu along with her.

They seem a little quirky, but I really do like them. I feel thankful for my past self to be friends with them. I look around my room - maybe I was a rebel before. I wonder if I left any bad impression on anyone.

I get out of my bed and head towards my table. I don't see any traces of books anywhere and that's when I remember the conversation I had with Levy. I don't like books? That kind of explains it. But somehow I feel a little empty at the thought of not being able to read. Maybe I should start reading, then when I regain back my memories I'd have already grown to love it.

Maybe I kept a diary or something? I open the top drawer and rummage through it. I find a huge box and open it excitedly. Seems like it's only full of weird spiky accessories. I find another box and open it. There are many notes and cards of different colors and sizes. I catch a glimpse of one of them. Are these letters? I guess they are notes from my friends. I make a mental note to read them later.

I open the second drawer and find only textbooks. Seems like I didn't throw them all away. But too bad there isn't any novel anywhere, so I close it in disappointment.

I open the last drawer, my heart hoping that there'll be something for me to know more about myself. Despite my rough appearance (before), I must've been a neat girl too. I find a huge box, big enough to fill it with small books. I take it out and it surprisingly doesn't feel heavy. I shake it a little and hear some heavy noise. I guess there might be books in there? Maybe my diary? I open it and find many things inside, such as a few notebooks, medals, a pair of glasses, a hair band and other weird stuff. I see an especially thick notebook - it has to be my diary!

So my heart leaps in excitement as I proceed to open it, yet I can't. The book is locked and it needs my code number. Dang it. I don't remember anything! I hope I had written my secret passwords on some piece of paper.

I spy some pieces of paper sticking out of the book and I take a sneak peek. Newspapers? I don't even read, so why will there be a newspaper clipping?

A delicate chirping noise startles me and I jerk around. My eyes follow the walls and I find a wooden bird coming out of the clock. 3pm? Ah! I have to go down already!

I put the diary back in the box and tuck it safely in the drawer. Maybe I'll look at it another day.

As I walk out of my room feeling a little downcast, I find Gray in the corridor. "Hey," I say awkwardly and he waves at me.

"You feeling good?" He asks and I nod. I follow him down the stairs and into the dining room. Somehow, I feel shivers on my spine ever since I came to the dorm and now I feel it again. But is it just me, or that I feel someone's watching me?

When I step into the dining room, party poppers burst out and I freeze there in shock. C'mon, I'm still recovering! But what shocks me the most is that there are many people in the room. Was I that popular?

"We're your classmates," Erza comes forward and I ease with a smile. "Uh," I begin, feeling more awkward than ever. "Hi."

Instead of greeting back, the entire room gasp. I gasp at their gasps. Did I do anything wrong? Maybe they hate me? If they do then why would they-

"Ho~ , Ashley's saying Hi?" A brunette slurs as she stumbles to me. Her entire face is red and her outfit is...a little revealing. She puts an arm around me and I can smell alcohol from her. Isn't she a minor?

"Guys, Ashley Heartfilia is saying Hi?" She raises her voice.

Murmurings begin everywhere in the room. I can only freeze at my spot in confusion. What's happening? A burly guy walks towards me with Levy following behind. He has jet black hair and his face has tons of piercings. "Yo," He says. "You sure you're Ash?"

I nod slowly and hesitantly, arching a brow at him. His red eyes pierce into my very soul and I shiver. "And may I know who you are?" My voice almost cracks.

He stares at me, wide-eyed, then throw his head back and laughs. "Dang, you've really turned into another person," He continues to laugh. Levy steps forward with an apologetic look. "Sorry about him," She says softly. "He's Gajeel."

I process that information though I continue staring at him in confusion. He's really weird. I think everyone in the room is weird.

People start crowding around me and I feel breathless. There's this really friendly girl, Mirajane, who seems the most normal out of the rest. Not to mention her sister Lisanna too. Unfortunately, their brother Elfman not only looks exaggerated in size, but also in his speech. "ASHLEY!" He booms and I gulp. "YOU AREN'T ASHLEY! YOU'RE A MAN!"

O-Okay? Jet and Warren seems quirky too but at least they didn't exaggerate at how much I've changed. They merely compliment that I "looked more feminine" and "should stay that way forever". Then Loke pushes them out of the way and winks at me. "I prefer you this way, you're like a flower." He smirks. "We should go out sometime."

"Um...no?" I have no idea how to answer him though I can see him being stabbed with imaginary swords of rejection. I give an apologetic smile and am about to walk away when someone hangs his arm around my shoulder.

"Here's to Ashley!" The familiar voice shouts gleefully and he holds up a cup of juice. I turn and find Natsu beside me who also looks at me with his signature smile. At that moment my heart calms down and I relax my tense muscles. "Thanks," I say softly by his side as I hold out my juice.

* * *

"Woah, you've changed a LOT." Lisanna leans in and observes me. I respond by smiling awkwardly. "R-Really?" I ask in curiosity. "How was I back then?"

"You were really unfriendly," She smiles apologetically. "I didn't really talk much to you since I was, well, kind of scared."

I accept her words graciously and chide myself. Mirajane comes to the counter after washing the plates. "You'd always pick a fight with anyone when you're pissed," She says it with her sweet voice though the context doesn't seem to fit well. "You even fought with me."

Her sickeningly sweet voice somehow scares me and I gulp. I think it's better not to enrage her.

"I fight...as in physically?" I ask slowly, hoping I won't scream at my past self again. Seriously, what have I been doing?

"Nope, you'd only shout and yell in anger." Mirajane explains. "Now that I think of it, the only person you've ever hit is Natsu."

"N-N-N-Natsu?" I sputter out. I didn't know that! And to think that I'm his closest friend?!

"W-What did I do?" My voice comes out on its own though I don't feel like finding out. It doesn't feel pleasant and I feel like I can cry a river of embarrassment.

"You'd punch me or even push me to the ground," A voice which I don't really anticipate for comes from behind me. I take a deep breath and try to calm my thumping heart. I have no guts to face him! Why is it even beating fast anyway?

Natsu plops down on the seat next to me, his goofy smile never leaving his face. I can only stare up at him uncertainly, not knowing if I should apologize. However, he takes my silence as a sign to continue. "You'd shout at me and put me in a headlock." He laughs. "Whenever I tried to fight back I'd get owned by you."

What? He looks ripped enough to overpower such a puny girl like me! Sometimes I wonder if they are making up stories.

All of a sudden he grabs my collar roughly and pulls me towards him, our faces a few centimeters apart. "Then you'd pull me by the collar," He continues and I can feel his hot breath on my face. My already thumping heart beats even faster, seemingly at the speed of a bullet train. "Wha-" I say and he interrupts me. "And you'd hiss at me." He's too strong! I seriously wonder how I could beat someone like him!

He's about to continue when I put my hands to his chest and exert all my strength to push him away. He lets out a short yell and falls head down on the floor and a loud thud can be heard. It sounds really painful, so I lean over quickly and see if he's okay. "I-I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to...!" I cry out frantically. Why does this always happen?

He opens his eyes and looks into my eyes and I can see sparkles in them. I bite my lip in worry. Instead of showing signs of pain, he gives a thumbs up and grins widely.

"Now that's my Ash."

* * *

 **teehee hope you like this. I really appreciate the reviews! I won't be updating for a while since my prelim exams are in 3 weeks *cries a river bc i haven't been studying* (i seriously wonder why i started writing more at such a crucial time like this) but I'll be very active from November onward! (ofc I'll be a sneaky brat and update before then) but anyway, please review!**

 **and I have a question - do you guys have Wattpad?**


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE - SMARTY PANTS**

 _Will someone warmly tell me it's alright?_

* * *

I swear I have never run so much in my entire life.

It's not like I remember anything, anyway. All I know from the bits of information here and there is that Ashley Heartfilia was hella good at sports. Not only that, she knew all kinds of martial arts but well, she used them in the wrong way.

But when I start running out of my dorm, I immediately know I wasn't very athletic.

Maybe it's because I haven't exercised for so long. Maybe because I was hospitalized. I was sure I'd regain my strength back in no time.

Yet here I am, literally running late for school. My legs try to move as fast as I can muster them, but the stitch at the side of my tummy is unbearable. I wanted to stop and walk briskly, but I hate the thought of being late.

When I reach the door of the classroom, my face's already dripping wet with sweat. The air around me is hot and humid and I breathe heavily. Running sucks.

I immediately open the door without thinking and the entire class turn their heads to me in sync. Even the teacher, who seems too unkempt to be a proper teacher, stares at me. My chest tightens and I bite my lip. Shit, am I screwed? But I'm only late this time, right? I lost my memory, so it should be okay, right?

"S-Sorry," I manage to say uncertainly.

Murmurings begin from all corners of the room and I watch everyone giggle and whisper things to each other while glancing at me. The fear, which feels familiar, grips my heart so I can only stand there unable to move. I grip onto the strap of my bag tightly and I glance at the teacher. However, his face is getting red and he looks like he is going to burst.

Is there something wrong with me?

I step into the room, trying to explain myself. "S-Sorry, I w-woke up late." I say meekly and my heart is already palpitating in my chest. Yet my words make everyone laugh and the teacher seems like he is going to explode at any second. What the heck is going on?

Finally, the teacher opens his mouth and I brace myself for the attack. I mean, being late is a pretty bad thing, so I gues I deserve to get a scolding. But somehow, just somehow, I feel something more than the normal 'shit-I-am-screwed' kind of fear.

I clench my teeth, but my jaw drop when the teacher starts laughing loudly.

"W-Wha?" Man, I am so terribly confused.

"Oh my god," The orange haired teacher laughs, smacking his thigh as he throws his head back. "What's with that outfit?"

I look down. I'm wearing the school uniform neatly, with my buttons all buttoned up and my tie hangs straight. My skirt is a little above my knees and I'm wearing some knee high socks I found in a drawer.

"Um, aren't I wearing my school uniform properly?" I ask.

"That's the problem!" The teacher exclaims and laughs again. What's so funny anyway?

"Hey Pops, stop laughing and get on with homeroom already!" I hear Natsu shout.

When I find that the weird teacher isn't making any more comments, I shuffle my way to my seat which is (thank god) next to Natsu. If Natsu's around, then I won't have to be afraid of anything.

I heave a sigh. Why do people always have to make fun of me? I only lost my memories, so it's normal to be different. Just how different am I from the usual Ashley?

The teacher apparently went by the name "Gildarts" so we didn't have to speak to him formally. Though my first impression of him was horrible, I found out that he was a pretty cool guy who gets along with everyone.

"For your info," Natsu whispers next to me. "You'd usually not wear your tie and let some buttons loose. Your skirt was hella short so that your spandex pants could be seen. Aaaaand you don't wear knee high socks. You said it was girly."

If I didn't liked it, then why would a pair of such socks be in my drawer?

I guess I should understand my past self more.

"What the heck?"

"Fuck it, I'm going to fail."

"What's the meaning of this, ya hag!" Gajeel yells from the back of the classroom, only to get hit by a chalk from Ms Evergreen.

The class was in chaos-okay, maybe it's always chaotic because delinquents-but it's especially noisy during English period. All because Ms Evergreen announced that she'd give us a surprise test.

"Hell no!" Natsu grumbles as he ruffles his spiky hair in frustration. The rest of the class is equally annoyed, except for me, Levy and Erza.

"Keep it down. You wouldn't be panicking if you had revised well." Erza says matter-of-factly.

Gray's jaw clenches. "Well, duh. But this is a freaking surprise test!"

"Well you could be like Levy. Read books everyday!" Erza retorts and I feel a strong vibe coming from her.

"Dafuq? Ain't nobody got time for that!" Gray argues and is immediately hit by Erza's...long ruler? Where did it even come from? However it serves as a fatal blow to Gray as he gets knocked out and the whole class immediately go quiet. Right, no one dares to mess with Erza.

"I'd hate to admit it, but Erza is right." Ms Evergreen has an obvious grimace on her face as she pushed her glasses up. "Now you kids shut your trap and let the test begin."

To be honest, I have no idea that I'll be so calm even though I didn't study anything related to English. I thought I'll be panicking like the rest, since Ashley Heartfilia doesn't study. Yet why do I feel so calm and relaxed?

Once everyone receives the test paper, tension fills up the room and I can feel everyone's intense stares. I look down at my paper and to my horror of horrors I'm beyond shocked. I stifle a gasp and I quickly took a pen and start writing.

The test ends after twenty minutes and I can see Gajeel already sleeping, who probably gave up on attempting the test. Erza still has a serious look on her face while Levy is smiling happily. I look to my left and find Natsu leaning on the window in despair.

"How did you do?" I ask, trying not to laugh at his despondent face. He almost looks as though his whole being was gray and his hair seems to be turning white.

He doesn't reply, but his head slams onto the table and his eyes are blank. I decide not to probe further.

Math lesson is next. Mr Freed is our teacher and he's strict but kind of a pushover. He had called students up to answer questions on the board and man, I was feeling the same shock I felt when I looked at my test paper.

What's even more shocking was that they couldn't even answer the questions on simple algebra.

"N-Natsu," I couldn't help but ask.

"Mm?"

"What class is this?"

"Math."

"No, I mean the name of our class."

"Oh. 1-F I think." He says nonchalantly.

"Uh, is this the worse class in the school?" I feel so bad but I have to be blunt.

To my surprise, or maybe not, he nods his head. "I think?"

That explains it, I quietly thought in my mind. The English test was on grammar (freaking grammar!) and now Math is simple algebra? It feels too easy to be even taught in such a prestigious school!

"Ashley Heartfilia!" Mr Freed's voice rings out and I go rigid. "Now that you're done talking, you better answer question five!"

I gulp as I look at the question on the board. I hear murmurs around me and all of them are sorts of "That's too hard!" or "That's the class A level!". Wait, so is the question hard or not?

I have no choice but to go up to the board to answer it. After a few seconds of reading it, my mind takes complete control of myself and before I know it, I'm already writing on the board. There isn't any sound of hesitation of the chalk and all I can think is the solution in my head. Once I was done, I put back the chalk and take a step back.

The entire class is quiet.

"W-What..?" I ask quietly as I try to heave a smile. However they are all too fixated onto my solution on the board to even respond.

I turn to Mr Freed, who's as equally blank as the rest.

"Are you okay? Are you having a fever?" He asks and I feel the urge to yell something at him.

"Why?" is all I can answer.

"Well, you got this Class A question correct." He announces and the whole class erupts into chaos.

Not again.

I rummage through my drawers, forcefully pulling them out as I peek in them. Accessories, band albums and other useless stuff. I'm already feeling frustrated when I pull out the last drawer, only to find nothing in it.

I pace around the room, deep in thought. Now, if I were to have the things I hate, where will I put it...

My eyes glance at a box nearby and I rush to open it. There are many trash, which consists of clothes, paper and other stuff. I fish out the crumpled papers and open them.

They are tests papers of simple questions which I was able to do earlier. And to my surprise all of them were a big fat zero.

I slump and my legs fall to the floor. If I had failed such basic questions, then how was I able to answer them all today? Maybe it's because of my memory, but my IQ shouldn't have change so drastically! Just what's happening?

I crush the papers, just like how my heart feels like. I resist the urge to cry but the tears just seems to burn my eyes. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not the old Ashley everyone knew. I'm not the same anymore.

The door suddenly slams open and I can hear Natsu's laughter. I hear him stop and I guess he must be wondering about all the mess I've made. I continue looking down, not wanting to see my tear-filled face. It was a little embarrassing, even though he should be the best friend I've known for a long time.

"A-Ash?" He kneels down beside me and puts a hand on my shoulder. "What happened?"

I shake my head. At the very touch I start sobbing quietly, my heart clenching painfully. I feel his grip stiffen and he leans in, trying to take a good look at my face.

"Did anyone hurt you?" He asks softly, compared to the loud vibe he's always giving off. "Just name it, I'll-"

"No," I shake my head once more and sniff. Somehow the tears seem to be never ending and I hate the fact that I can't stop them. "I-I just..."

Natsu doesn't reply - he must be waiting for an explanation. I clench my fist, crushing the paper in my hand. "I...just don't know who am I anymore," I croak.

In life, everyone's certain of who they are. It's not their names that make them who they are. It's their personalities, their interests, their attitudes that give life to their name. Like Natsu, who everyone defines him as the reckless dude who loves to fight. It's because he loves to fight, and the way he acts defines his name.

It isn't the same for me. It's so hard to return being the Ashley Heartfilia everyone knows.

"N-No matter what I do now," I continue and his arm is already around me. I continue looking down, even though my vision is blurry. "I can never be the Ashley you know. I'm just an empty confused shell with a name."

I can feel Natsu's heated stare on me but I don't want to look up. My chest is feeling heavy and I don't feel like being strong anymore. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I'm just too different from the old Ashley and it's hard to gain myself back.

"Ash, look at me."

I refuse and his grip tightens, but it doesn't feel painful. He then lets go, placing his warm hands on my tearful cheeks and lifts my head up so I have to face him. I feel so shameful, mainly because I'm carrying a ghastly appearance and just looking into my eyes makes me feel exposed.

"Ash," Natsu says sternly, his brows furrowed. "No matter how you act, what you like or how different you are from the old you, you will still always be my best friend."

"You will always be the childhood friend I had fun with, and even now."

I sniffed. It's touching yet surprising, coming from him. I slowly nod my head at him and he grins.

"Now smile!" He pats my cheeks, stinging it in the process but it isn't painful. It's more like a re-freshener.

I wipe my tears away with my sleeve and my hand lets go of the paper. My chest gradually feels lighter and my mood lightens. "Thanks," I say, feeling comforted.

"Look! It's the same smile as Ashley," He grins widely.

"I will always be by your side no matter what," Natsu continues, folding his legs under him. "Because I know you best."

I nod, still smiling. It's true though, he knows me better than I know myself. And I know that even if I may not totally act like the old Ashley, I can slowly learn to regain bits and pieces of myself.

* * *

 **A/N ; it's been a really long while! National exams are almost over (that means weekly updates hehe) so I'm back! Review! thanks for being patient!**


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